Mindful of the Bees

Today I was doing some tidying up in my garden and as I picked up leaves I found a bee on the ground slightly the worse for all the rain and cold weather we have been having.  It was looking pretty pale and didn’t seem able to fly.

I moved it on a flat stone to a safer area right beside a yellow flower to see if it would somehow revive.  As I watched it I could see it using its front legs to wash itself a bit like a cat when it takes its paw over its face.  It was fascinating just stopping to watch it rub itself and observing all the details of this small fragile creature. The intricate wings designs, its black shiny legs, furry body and strange (to me) face.  It began to breathe heavily or at least its body was vibrating and moved up and down and I wondered about this creature’s heart and how tiny it must be!  As I did so I saw an even tinier insect – a very small fly flitting about the bee and began to think about how small and yet perfectly formed it was too.  I could barely comprehend the size of its internal organs.

I shared this story with the kids today as I read out the bible story of creation to them.  The bigness of creation is mind boggling too, but it was this small bee and the intricacies of its body inside and out that caught my attention – and the kids.  It is good to read about our amazing creator God, but all around us the immensity and minutia of the natural world cries out to be paid attention to – God wants to be seen and heard and understood in all the glorious detail of creation, in all the immenseness of the universe.  But how mindful are we of it all, or even of the smallest part of it?  Have you sat for a few minutes recently and just looked at something in all its detail or wondered about just one aspect of this amazing world that we live in?  Take a few moments today and observe/be mindful of/pay attention to at least one created thing.  This could be your spiritual practice today.

What Am I Involved in? A Retreat Day

The second thing I am involved in is developing quiet days and retreats.  Over the years I have led or facilitated a few reflective events and quiet days through my church or the Epiphany Group.

If you are free on Tuesday 28th July I will be leading a gentle retreat under the heading -

The Lord is My Shepherd, where you can take time to rest and reflect on your identity as a person of faith and your relationship with God, The Good Shepherd.

This retreat depending on numbers will be online or face to face.  I am really looking forward to sharing The Good Shepherd, Godly Play story with those who come along and some different ways of connecting with God through reflective spiritual practices, bible passages and poetry.

Please get in touch if this is something that interests you - if not for next week then sometime in the future.

What Am I involved in? - Capacitar

Hello to everyone who has read this blog so far.

I hope you have enjoyed my musings and wonderings.

I thought I would let you know about two activities which I am involved with and which I invite you to participate in if you are interested.

Every week now I lead a Wellbeing Class using gentle healing techniques like simple Tai Chi moves, fingerholds, mindful meditation and healing visualisations to name a few.  Many/most of these body practices come from my training in Capacitar which I did in Edinburgh under the tutoring of Pat Cane, a serene septuagenarian who travels the world supporting communities and groups who have experience trauma through war, natural disaster or genocides.  She also works in schools and supports mental health organisations.

For me these practices help with my mental and emotional wellbeing and also support me spiritually in my faith, using some of them as prayer practices. The Tai Chi and other movements are for me a way to connect with God, get out of my head and reach out in prayer for others.

You can find out more about Capacitar and the techniques I use by going to www.capacitar.org or www.capacitaruk.org

You can join the online class I lead which will meet next on Monday 27th July at 7pm.  Just message me for the code.  There are other classes led by colleagues which you can connect to if this time and day does not suit you.  If you are looking for something gentle and physical to support your mental health this would be idea.

The second activity is an event I am leading...I will post a separate blog about this.

A Difficult Place

Well it is interesting isn’t it when you are asked to plan something and then everyone changes the plan… finding yourself a little frustrated, a little hurt, a little upset and unclear how to respond.  But on the hoof, so to speak, being able to just live with those emotions, not responding in anger, being able to resist that small temptation to behave like a child and storm out of the meeting.  And respecting the friendship and bond between you, sharing your thoughts but doing it respectful of others, and trusting that – all shall be well – trusting that the aim is for the space being created to be right for everyone and that everyone has each other’s interests at heart. And finding that by resisting those emotions and urges to behave as your ego dictates, in fact something rich and deep and spacious takes place.  Your needs are upheld, as are the needs of all the others and everyone participates in making that happen.

What if we were able to do that every day in life all the time?  Imagine living in that uncomfortable place often, and not running away or fighting back.  Imagine knowing that when we do, something as simple as holding yourself in that tension produces space for you and space for others to learn and grow.

I believe we have lost this art… I wonder if we have the courage to find it again and begin to recreate this sacred space...

Within our friendships

With strangers

With the difficult people we know or we meet.

I wonder what our world would look like then?

 

Avocado Stone – Defective? I think not.

I have decided that enough is enough with buying veggies in supermarkets covered in plastic.  Of course the process of changing habits is hard but I will try.  And the first thing I can think of doing is to begin growing some of my own vegetables.  And so I have an avocado stone sitting on my window sill with toothpicks skewered into it – not a pretty sight.  It has been there for a good few weeks now and although split there is no sign of any root.  Disappointed, I decided to go online and see how long I might have to wait or whether my green fingers were not up to scratch, or perhaps the stone itself was defective in some way…

Well I learnt that some stones can take a week or two and others a lot longer.  In fact I watched a video where someone in Australia waited patiently for 11 months before his avocado stone grew a root!  So not a defective stone then – just an impatient gardener!

I have discovered a very interesting author called Resmaa Menekem https://www.resmaa.com/about   who is a black lives counsellor and author working with trauma healing through body practices – so right up my street. (More on that later if you don’t know me well.)  One of his mantras for black lives healing is “You are not defective.”  We are beginning to see, hear and recognise for ourselves the true trauma facing black people day in day out especially in the USA.  So though this may seem shocking to hear out loud – many black people subconsciously or maybe even consciously feel they are defective in some way – less than normal or right or good.  

And perhaps you feel this too, no matter your colour.  Truthfully at times we may all feel that we are defective in some way and beat ourselves over the head with ‘not good enough’ or ‘failed again’ mantras…

Where have we gotten this message from?  Our society?  Our parents?  Our teachers?  Our religion?  Or from each other? 

Let’s remind ourselves what God says on the matter.

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” Genesis 1

The truth is that we are not defective – we are good – in fact we are very good – we are made in the image of God and God is calling us to Love – Love God, Love one another and Love ourselves.  All three are important but in my opinion and many others in the contemplative tradition – if we do not learn to love ourselves first and recognise that we are not defective but made very good and created out of Love for Love, then we can never begin to truly love others or love God. 

Body, mind and spirit – we are made in the image of God – so not defective after all…

And as for the avocado stone? Well I will just have to be more patient and one day soon I will truly see just how beautiful it can be!

Not so black and white after all…

There have been moments usually late at night during this lockdown where I have been wrestling with the messiness of the world and also the lives of those closer to home as well as my own messiness and struggles…

I look at the government we have here in the UK and one across the pond and despair.  
I think about the climate change needs that we have known about for decades but have still done so little about.

I wonder at why so many countries and people groups that are still operating with the false belief that they are right and their ‘enemy’ is wrong – causing the horrendous sufferings of war, genocide and torture.

I struggle with the knowledge that so many are poor or sick, depressed or starving and we still cannot seem to work together to solve these basic problems.

So I have been finding my way through the messiness to discover what my role in all this is…

Yes I want to be part of the solution in this messy world we live in not part of the problem... 

I want to be involved in a solution to climate change and be with Greta shaking people out of their stupor (including myself) warning folk to panic because the house is on fire... 

I want to stand with the black men and women of America and other countries including my own to challenge the status quo and the intolerable way our fellow human beings are still being treated.

I want to challenge the political forces at work in this country and others where power hungry leaders get away with ignoring the plight of the poor, with corruption, lies and more.

I want to have the courage that Jesus had in the garden of Gethsemane to pray and face the messy struggle ahead. He didn't pray please help me God get through the next few hours 'cos I know I will get resurrected in the end. No, he had to have deep hope, that even when there were no easy answers and all that lay ahead was unbelievable pain, suffering and the unknown, he could still say, not my will but yours... 

All I know is that Jesus in those hours of despair in the dead of night when his emotions were all over the place, got down on his knees and prayed. He knew where his courage and comfort would come.

So I do that too. I remember also the words of the song My Lighthouse.
“In my wrestling and in my doubt, 
In my failures you won't walk out. 
Your great love will see me through, 

You are the peace in my troubled sea.”

I pray that you and I will all know how to act to bring about... 

"Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.”

Wrestle and pray with me, please.

Pentecost - I entrust you!

Today is Pentecost, the end of the Easter season and the day the church was born as the Holy Spirit came down on the disciples and followers of Jesus like tongues of fire!  

Yesterday during a reflection time with the Epiphany Group I am part of www.epiphanygroup.org.uk

we discussed how this experience of lockdown has mirrored the season of Lent, Easter and now Pentecost.  The world, we mused, has been forced into a place of isolation, waiting and not knowing much like the disciples were as they travelled through the experiences of the Passover and Jesus’ death and the uncertain waiting time between his rising again and the coming power of the Holy Spirit.  And just as the disciples were sent out by God with the power from Heaven a number of us yesterday expressed a sense of God stirring in our own lives – an expectancy, a sense of being prepared and made ready to be sent out for something new and exciting.

We read together the words of the passage in John…

Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”  John 20 verse19-23

A number of us were struck and slightly perturbed by the last words here where Jesus says – If you forgive, sins are forgiven, if not, then they are not forgiven.  This of course does not make sense when put alongside the teaching of Jesus about the many times we should forgive someone who offends us in some way.  So what is Jesus really saying here?   

After a time of stillness and reflection what came to me was a sense of Jesus showing that he had confidence in the wisdom and judgement of his disciples.  Jesus is calling them onward and outward – “I am sending you…receive the Holy Spirit” Know my peace.  Receive my breath. I trust you. I am giving you authority.  You have listened to my preaching, watched me healing and praying and loving and struggling, dying and rising again. You have participated in all of this – you have earned your stripes and now I am giving the work over to you and I trust you to do the right thing.  I trust you to forgive.  You know my gospel, go out and share it; go out and live it.

I feel that God is saying the same thing to me – you have journeyed with me through many struggles and a time of waiting and wondering, not knowing but now - receive my peace, receive my breath, receive my power through the Holy Spirit – go on out and do what I have called you to do – have courage – I trust you.  I feel the excitement and joy of knowing that God trusts me and delights in what he has prepared in me.  Yes, I believe God is saying this to me.  Might God also be saying the same to you?

Julian of Norwich

Following on from last week I was thinking about that verse in the bible which Jesus speaks,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I am a big fan of Lady Julian of Norwich, a 14th century mystic who was the first women author in the English language. During a grave illness (Norwich, at that time a city of around 25,000 was in the grip of the Black Death) she received amazingly detailed revelations or “showings” from God, which she then devoted the rest of her life to writing down. She shared their wisdom with all who visited her tiny cell attached to St Julian’s Church in Norwich – the church gave this anonymous lady her name.

What I wanted to say was that throughout her showings a beautiful picture of Jesus Christ emerges which echoes the verse above – gentleness, humble hearted and a place of rest for our souls. God is never in a hurry to make changes in our lives or fix us as we so often try to do with ourselves or others. God is infinitely gracious and patient with us and tends us with loving care. God takes us from where we are to the place where we were made to be, step by step, moment by moment with our total co-operation.

When I was a child, I thought childish things about faith – that God was someone who wanted me to be better, do better, always improve and stop doing the bad things, a bit of a killjoy to be frank and was not satisfied with me as I was. But now I am a women I have learnt that in fact, unlike the world, God loves me just as I am. Nothing I do will make God love me more. Nothing I fail to do will make God love me less. Where I am right now is where God is content to be with me – loitering – as the poet Ross Gay says. (There is some profanity at the beginning of this prose reading.)

https://soundcloud.com/onbeing/loitering-by-ross-gay

God is not pushing me forward or pulling me back but with the greatest wisdom and grace – showing me the Way and walking beside me at the pace at which I am willing to go. Please let that sink deeply into you being and slow down if you need to – spend your time at rest with the Creator who knows you intimately and would like nothing more than for you to sit and loiter and be in His presence.

If you would like to know more about the simple yet deep wisdom which Lady Julian shared, Richard Rohr at The Centre for Action and Contemplation, has recently had a week of posts on this wonderful lady…
https://cac.org/a-mystic-for-our-times-2020-05-10/?utm_source=cm&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=dm&utm_content=summary

Sycamore Seedling

About a year ago I noticed a small sycamore seedling growing in an empty pot of compost in my garden.  I have no idea how it got there but it looked so neat and healthy I left it.  Through the winter of course the two or three leaves disappeared and all that was left was a small thin stem which on more than one occasion I was tempted to throw into the bin.  It really did look pathetic.  But I didn’t and now this year it is flourishing again with a slightly stronger stem and a few more leaves.  I am growing my very own sycamore tree! 

When I was out running today I passed a full grown sycamore tree – not too big but a good sized trunk and a beautifully rounded umbrella of greeny, yellow, fresh leaves.  And it got me thinking.  That the wee spindly stem on my sycamore seedling was in fact a big strong trunk in the making!  I had never thought of it before – but then I have never grown a tree from scratch before.  Everything in nature starts small and gets bigger.  I recognise that every year the stem of the plant carries the growth of leaves that it can manage and that through season after season of birth, growth, death and rebirth it grows bigger and stronger step by step by step.  My little seedling is not ready to carry big branches of spreading leaves and it’s own seeds but one day it will be. 

Our lives too are a serious of joys and sufferings which (if we let them) will strengthen us and sustain us for more emotional and spiritual growth and onward to life in all it’s fullness.  Our faith begins small but one day will be like the mustard seed which, “though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” (Matthew 13:32)

Just like my little seedling you and I may not be able yet to express our faith in big or profound ways or achieve some great project but one day, just by living life and experiencing all that it has to offer – joys and struggles, we can be that strong tree which others seek refuge in.   I believe that God with infinite Creator wisdom and grace only puts into our hands that which we can carry. So just like I will be tending my little sycamore seedling, allow God’s tender loving care to watch over you and please do let go of anything which just now is too hard or heavy for you to carry. Give it to someone stronger to carry. Give it to God.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog.  This is a new experience for me so let's see how it goes.  I am a progressive, contemplative Christian and I intend to write - scribble - some of the thoughts and insights I have from my life, storytelling, spiritual growth and exploration of Christian and Spiritual themes.  I hope also to share links to my favourite authors and teachers in the hope that you learn something of what excites me about my life of faith.